What To Buy For A New Mum: Treat The Mum, Not Just The Baby

A guest post by Charlotte Butterworth-Pool, virtual doula and founder of The Smart Doula.

Picture this: you’re invited to your best friend’s baby shower, and you’re searching for the perfect gift.

You keep getting drawn to the matching babygrow and hat set, a fluffy comforter, or perhaps a miniature pair of designer shoes… newborns NEED shoes, right?

Sigh… Or perhaps you should go more practical and get them that snot sucker thing, or a wipe warmer, maybe some muslins.

I’m going to invite you to pause there and reframe!

YOUR best friend has invited you to HER baby shower. She is your friend, you know what she likes, and I’m here to persuade you that she deserves those gifts (even NEEDS them) more than her little newborn.

For months, she is going to be the most important person to her family’s new addition. OK, yes, some nappies will be needed, some clothes (zip-up babygrows mostly; people soon get sick of fancy outfits when they keep getting covered in sick) and perhaps some bottles if she isn’t planning on breastfeeding.

But mum probably has those things sorted, and she, like you, has probably forgotten about the most important thing. Herself!

Baby shower gifts for mum: things that will actually help

There are only so many disposable breast pads and tubes of nipple cream a mum can need. And those peri bottles may well be useful for the first few weeks, but after that, they will sit forgotten somewhere!

Plus, those things will be received gratefully, I’m sure, but internally your friend can’t be that thrilled at unwrapping the 6th packet of baby milestone cards.

So what does this virtual doula think you SHOULD buy your very well-deserving friend?

Healthy snacks she can grab with one hand

There is one thing every third-trimester mum needs, and that is healthy but tasty snacks! Growing a tiny human and carrying on with everyday life is hungry work, and no one is going to say no to a healthy but yummy treat, ready to grab when they need it.

This is where a Treat Trunk New Mum box makes a lovely gift. A whole box of tasty snacks chosen for her, ready to munch on in pregnancy, pop in her hospital bag or keep beside her favourite feeding spot. And you know your friend best. Is she going to save them for later, or open the box before you’ve even left the baby shower? Either way, she gets something that is just for her. No assembly, no washing instructions and no waiting for the baby to grow into it!

Think outside the box: gift her some doula support

You could also look beyond physical presents. Her baby isn’t here yet, and she has probably told you all about her pregnancy ups and downs, and her wishes and fears surrounding birth. Why not buy her some time with a doula to help her put her plans on paper and finally make a start on that birth plan? Most doulas offer one-off calls or in-person visits to help families work through the final stages of birth preparation. Get your craft on, make her a voucher and tell her you’ll buy her a session with a doula of her choosing, or have some suggestions at the ready!

Speaking of doulas, have you heard of a postnatal doula? These doulas will come to your friend’s home after she has given birth and bring nutritious snacks and meals, provide emotional support and help the new family adjust to being parents. Some doulas will even do overnight support, provide breastfeeding support and pack the dishwasher or do the hoovering.

You could offer to buy her a number of postnatal doula sessions, or perhaps do part of this yourself: create her a “favours” book that she can cash in when she needs it (she will!).

Time together and a little pampering

Some time with you and a pamper session would also be a lovely gift! It won’t be long before her world becomes a little smaller for a while, and she will probably long for a gossip over a coffee or matching manicures and pedicures. You could find a salon that does pregnancy-safe massage, or take her to her favourite café for a coffee (maybe decaf!) and a cake.

What to bring once the baby has been born

Let me tell you a secret: after my babies were born, the gift I appreciated least was the flowers.

I hardly got to see them, as I was spending most of my time in my bedroom. My husband dutifully arranged them in a vase, then forgot to top up the water and they died. Then they would hang around for a while until one of us found the time to throw them away. I appreciated the thought, but the reality… was lacking!

Food she can eat with one hand

What I did appreciate wholeheartedly was food, preferably something that was ready to eat and I could eat with one hand, with bonus points if it was tasty and nutritious. Home-cooked meals were a win, but shop-bought snacks were also great. Both had their place and were gratefully received!

Comfy (but smart) loungewear

The other thing I came to appreciate was a comfy but smart loungewear set: something I could throw on and look slightly more put together, but still feel comfortable wearing all day in bed and on the sofa. Even better if it had easy boob access for my breastfeeding-obsessed newborn!

Offer help, and make it specific

An offer to do a chore was also a weight off my shoulders. Run the hoover round, unpack the dishwasher or pick up some essentials on the way, and I would be eternally grateful.

Make those offers specific! “Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but it still leaves her working out what to ask for and finding the courage to ask. Try “I’m making a curry on Thursday, would you like some?” or “I’m heading to the shops, what can I pick up?” And if you’re dropping something off, ask whether she wants company or would prefer a doorstep delivery. She can accept your kindness without feeling she needs to tidy the house and put the kettle on!

A postnatal massage

We’ve already covered how postnatal doulas can help at this time, or how you can take on some of that role yourself. But the other thing postnatal doulas can offer in the postpartum is massage! Some postnatal doulas are skilled in helping new mums relax and easing sore, tired muscles. You could buy her a massage, and even better, arrange it at her house and be on hand to help look after the baby.

Don’t forget her a few weeks down the line

Once the cards have come down and the first wave of visitors has passed, she may appreciate a doorstep meal or a box of her favourite snacks just as much. Pop a reminder in your calendar to check in and ask how SHE is doing. You don’t need a baby shower invitation or a special occasion to treat your friend.

Treat Trunk tip: a 3-month snack gift subscription means a fresh box lands on her doorstep each month through those early weeks, long after the flowers have gone.

If you’re thinking about giving the gift of support, my virtual doula services, including The Birth Edit and BirthBOOST, are worth exploring. I also offer in-person postnatal support in Leeds and Pool-in-Wharfedale. You can find me at The Smart Doula, and we can chat about what your friend might appreciate.

Whatever you choose, think about the woman you’re buying for: her favourite food, something comfortable to wear, or someone who has time to listen.

The baby will get plenty of presents. Let’s make sure mum feels treated too!

Looking for more ideas? See our Christmas gift ideas for a new mum, the best congratulations gifts for breastfeeding mums and our guide to snacks for labour.

About Charlotte
Charlotte Butterworth-Pool is a virtual and in-person doula, hypnobirthing teacher and the founder of The Smart Doula. Based in Leeds and a mum of two, she supports families all over the UK with evidence-based, judgement-free birth and postnatal support. Find her at thesmartdoula.com or on Instagram @the.smart.doula.